Escargots, more like escarNO.

This weekend, paid by in full by your favorite bureaucracy at NYU, I traveled to Bourgogne, a small region southwest of Paris, located in the center of the Country, because anything that is not the south or on a border is simply considered central. Totally the midwest of Paris, but with better food, less cornfields, and probably an equal number of cows. The cows, by the way, were not the black spotted ones we see upstate or in Amish country, nor were they even brown. These babies were pure white but had muddy feet so they looked like the wore little shoes... very cute, very country, and definitely not Parisian.

We arrived in a little town called Beaune, where one could find the Hospices de Beaune, a hospital set up during the medieval period by the Duc de Bourgogne (Duke of Burgundy, for those of you not willing to say that outloud and figure it out), to provide medical services and care for the hundreds of poor people living in his duchy (province/region/land that he reigned over). I took this tour in french and wanted to die. The guide was smart, but not really funny, and thought I understood his french, it was so easy to ignore him. The hospital was gorgeous but cold, because in case anyone in the States didn't know, it gets cold in France, which I didn't know, so I spent the better half of my time trying to get warm. After this I tried boeuf bourgignon, at a traditional Bourgogne restaurant/café, which claimed to have all the traditional dishes. I had discovered this specific dish by watching Julie and Julia in the states but what I got did NOT look like what came out of Amy Adam's oven, and it did NOT taste like it should have... So I am going to try to find this dish in Paris again, so that I can taste Amy Adam's and not have my dreams crushed. Moreover, I have been talking about eating this freaking dish SINCE I SAW THE MOVIE. So I will find it and I will eat it and it will be (or better be) delicious.

Next part of the trip takes me to these really really intense, amazing, and prehistoric caves called the Grottes d'Arcy (http://www.grottes-arcy.net/visite.html). Like Lascaux caves, but MORE LEGIT. Our tour guide, whose English was adorable and who was extremely sassy, completely bashed Lascaux and said that the drawings you see there are artificial and constantly retouched, whereas hers were not, and were preserved by natural elements, like caltite or calcite or both. Apparently, according to the Lascaux site, the original cave is just closed to the public so they created a replica. Just imagine seeing a hand that was painted 28,000 years ago and seeing it on the wall of a cave. Imagine seeing an outline of a lion and an outline of a deer that incorporates the natural contours of the cave to create artistic dimension and perception. Really amazing stuff.

I don't think the rest of the trip matters as much as my meals do. After bouef bourgignon being a bust, I was waiting to find something truly delicious and anxious for dinner. Well, folks, the wine at dinner was delicious, but once I saw that I actually was being served escargot I couldn't regain mental stability. First of all, those little suckers are black, and black is NEVER an appetizing color. Think burnt, wrinkly clams. I like to see my coquillages and understand what the hell I'm eating. First of two attempts to eat it was a fail. I got it in my mouth but immediately pulled it out. I couldn't get the image of a real life snail out of my head. For those of you who don't know, I am petrified of worms and snails. If anyone remembers the TV show Goosebumps from the 90s, you can thank them for my chronic fear of invertebraes. I wanted to cry. I probably drank more wine than anyone in that room to calm myself down. (which was actually amazing, because Bourgignon Pinot Noir is so smooth it's almost like drinking a hearty white wine.) Second attempt, I chewed 3 times and downed the little shit with wine and water. Now, I have been talking about trying escargot since arriving. I have been hoping to see it on a menu, or to see frogs legs, or something, and might even try pigeon. I couldn't separate the image. Michelle sat there eating them like it was her fucking job and I was just in shock. THANK GOD OUR MAIN DISH WAS CHICKEN. And dessert was this chocolate mousse milk thing, equally delicious, but no coffee was served, so I drank more wine... I had visions of the snail crawling around inside me and felt very ill so went to bed. No nightmares but the next morning I felt a severe fear that it would foam from my mouth if I ate anything too salty...

All in all, a good trip on NYU's tab. I saw some pretty cool stuff and ate some pretty disgusting stuff. I also caught up on sleep like no one's business and that brings me much joy. This week should be good because it's Adrienne's birthday so we have stuff to do for her, but will also be très triste because I have a ton of work, which I am going to start now, because I got a C on my first quiz for Vichy France because my professor obviously doesn't know that 1. NYU students don't get quizzes ever 2. the word for quiz means little test, not a 15 short answer exam to be completed in 20 minutes. Way to be a show off doctoral student. At least he's good to look at and equally as brilliant to listen to; he inspires me and helps me realize more and more that I should just go get my doctorate and teach college kids about things I love. (namely, Louis XIV.)

I hope that I figure out what I'm doing with myself sooner than later because it's getting close to LSAT time, and time to study for the LSATs and time to start deciding whether I will actually apply to grad school right out of college or hope to find a real job that doesn't involve nannying forever. My father told me there was a lot of money being a professional nanny. I asked him if he ever expected to be taken care of when he's old and sick... I think then he understood just how much more money there is everywhere else...

La prochaine fois: birthdays and Amsterdam.

bisous à tout le monde!