Pensées

So, when I initially started this blog, I planned on writing in it multiple times a week about things going on in my life, in Paris, and specifically of general thoughts I had concerning the city and the new life experiences I have here and those I have in New York. The posts have turned into a laundry list of things that I do over the weekends, and I feel like there are a lot of little charms of things that I have done that I have never really written about. So, to make this somewhat therapeutic and somewhat more consistent, I will begin a series of posts about things involving Paris and life that I have yet to write about.

There are a lot of things about New York that I miss; that being said, I am still unsure if I am fully homesick. I am so envious of people who are in New York right now, and upset with every new, exciting thing I hear about going on there. I miss Brooklyn, I miss going to The Fiddler with Meredith and dancing on the bar - even when still somewhat sober - and I miss driving my car up Mount Airy Road to go to babysit Palmer. I miss TJ and Caroline, and playing with the animals, and even getting into fights with Caroline because she is learning a new sense of rebellion. I miss Chanci, and her unplanned humor, because she can be so funny, just like her sisters. I miss my parents more than I ever thought I would. I skyped with my father for the first time the other day, I was crying from general stress of papers and midterms, but I think I cried because he finally did something for himself and finally went out and got himself a gift.

On the flipside, I love this city. This morning, I woke up in a friend's bed after we had had a truly lovely dinner party - which I fell asleep through halfway - and realized that I am not so alone. I had a really good week, as everything has calmed down and I can finally breathe here. My Vichy class has inspired me and reminded me why I am in college and what I can do with my education if I just keep working.

Every week I go to a new museum with my Art History class. Last week we went to the Orsay, a museum I have visited before, and the paintings we saw were ones I had seen in the past but they still moved me. There is something powerful about this city, about the art, the architecture, and even the street signs, that warms and fills my heart until sometimes I feel like it might just burst. Alexandre Cabanel's Venus, almost always brings tears to my eyes. The idealized woman finds herself in the idealized city. Two of my professors here inspire me every day. One of them reminds me of a passion that I have a large fear of pursuing, the other reminds me that the path I have chosen and am making and taking for myself is going to bring me right where I need to be. To be moved by such beauty on a daily basis makes me realize what a beautiful place Paris is and what a beautiful life I have here. What beauty is it that gives us such warmth? I wonder about this constantly. A couple weeks ago I found myself in the Louvre and I saw, for the first time, Vermeer's The Astronomer. My eyes filled with tears. The color were still so vibrant after all of these years, and the man's robe was still so green, still so beautiful... How those colors remain so full of life is a mystery to me.

I have heard from Parisians that there are places in Paris where they go that still touch them. Aygline, Madam de Ribier's daughter, told me that every time she comes to Paris she goes to Place de la Concorde, to be reminded of just why this city is called the city of lights. For me, every time I see the Eiffel Tower, as cliché as that sounds, I stop in awe and marvel and I just stare at that construction, that glorious tower on the river, and when it sparkles, I am moved. Every chance I get, I go to the Trocadero and just sit and stare at the tower. It fills me with this sense of rootedness, much like the feelings I get from going to the Met while in New York.

Ceux qui sont mes pensées pour aujourd'hui. Et, avec ça, tout va bien.